SPEAK UP

I was not sure if I wanted to come back for another entry... After I wrote my first one I thought about it,asked myself some questions,for some I had answers,others I still don't. So I decided to go on,keep writing and see where it takes me.

My symptoms have been getting worse by day in last week or so. Today I had to hold on to things in order to stay on my feet,my legs felt as if they were going to give up on me any time,now that's some scary stuff... When I talk about flare ups the worst one I always describe as a tunnel,kind of like the one tornado forms, you get sucked in and you can't get out. First huge flare up started in fall/winter of 2005 and it lasted till about August/September of 2006. I had no idea what has gotten into me,sick and scared would be best description. After I get home from work I would take care of my small children,household chores were on priority basis,I would make sure we all had food to eat,I would put dishes in dishwasher when I could,toilets had to be cleaned and laundry done. There was no dusting,organizing,making things look pretty,it was just not happening. I've dealt with everything the best I could,when I could. After that first huge flare up I was 'fine' up until April of 2010. It is June of 2011 and I'm still in the 'tunel' I've mentioned earlier.

There is so much I want to write about and it is very hard not to start from beginning and keep going until everyone is tired, me writing, you reading. I would like to separate this Fibromyalgia Journey into several different topics. With my symptoms getting worse every day I wanted to address how it feels to be the one who's always sick. One thing I've learned just recently is that you have to be open about how and what you feel. At first I thought it was in my head. There was just no way you can be in so much pain,all the time and all of your body hurts. Fatigue and on top of pain and fatigue came neurological symptoms. Fibro fog was really bad, I could not remember things,it was hard to think,sometimes it was even hard to talk. Tingling and numbness of your hands,legs,even my face. My skin was burning,kind of like you feel when you get sunburn but much worse,much deeper. I would apply lotion several times an hour just to get some relief. I'm assuming gentle massage was what was really helping. Chemical sensitivities,allergies,breathing problems. Dizziness,sensitivity to lights,sounds. No way all this was happening,no way it was real. I would go to see a Doctor, my PCP and I would just tell her that I'm hurting. She would do an exam,tell me that she can't see nothing wrong. Do some bloodwork to exclude and inflammation and check on my tyroid because I was loosing weight. Everything would come back fine. My hands/legs would swell and my joints would hurt so bad that there was just no way that it was not arthritis. I took it upon myself to go see a rheumatologist who then diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I ended up in Emergency Room (before I went to see rheumatologist) and after ER Doctor examined me and ran some tests I asked him what he thinks could be wrong with me. He looked me and said that if I was not as young as I was he would tell me (before the test results would come back) that I have cancer. I looked at him and said,OK,let's wait for results. He took time to talk to me,talk about my symptoms and after the tests came back (fine,of course) he said that if I keep feeling like this that I have to push my PCP to get me checked out for MS. It made perfect sense. So I went to see my PCP again,told her what ER DR said and before you know it I was on my way to do MRI of my brain and scheduling appointment with Neurologist. After that first visit and my brain MRI being fine I was sent to do back MRI and to come back to see the Neurologist. Between the two MRI's I saw Rheumatologist who then said it is Fibromyalgia if my second MRI comes clean,which it did.

I hope that this entry will get to someone who is going through what ever I went before I got diagnosed and that will empower that person to start doing what ever they can to help themselves. Listen to what your body has to say and SPEAK UP. It is not in your head,it is real and there are thousands of people dealing with this monster on daily basis. Talk to your doctors and talk to your family. They don't know what's wrong unless we tell them. Ask for help,what ever it is that you need. There are several conditions overlapping Fibromyalgia and those have to be addressed to. If you notice any new symptoms let your doctor know,don't just assume it's Fibro.

I am very tired now and my hands are not doing what I want them to do,they keep skipping keys and hitting what ever they like so it looks like breaking point for me tonight.

Good night to all,if you are someone suffering from fibro know you are not alone!